||[Oct. 11th, 2008|12:56 am]
This be my moïra in Life
Life goes on right? I mean we're regularly at a crossroads between what we want to do and what we have to do. I have the impression that lately I've been at the same crossroads over and over again, and since none else I know is in my position I have no one to talk to about it. So yeah, I started my 3rd year of License, originally I wanted to teach, sometime in the ohh NEAR future, but now they tell us you need to get to Master 2 plus "les concours" (exams basically) to do so. Great, wonderful, I'm never going to teach I'm not made up for this much schooling, I love working with kids and I have great relations with them but this is getting to be insane, I'll do it because its on the "what you have to do" list but I'm not particularly fond of it. Most days I wish i'd never got out of bed. I wish life had handed me different cards, I wish I'd been accepted to the nursing p program and just done that. The US holds so many things for me but I'll probably never get back permanently nor do I want the burden of having the grandparents on my back. And here, France offers me freedom; a career perhaps someday, kids I've become attached to and a possibility to do something of my life, but I'm alone here, and I shoulder so many responsibilities and commitments family wise that I've stifled; and irrevocably alone. Gods I feel Lost.